thinking before i speak – NY Resolutions

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians Ch.4:29 

Hello there everyone! Happy 2015 to all of you. I hope you had a grand transition with lots of laughs and lots of friends and family during this holiday season. I’ve taken a lot of time to reflect over the past year of my life in the past couple of days, and I can honestly say that 2014 was probably the best year of my life so far. I’ve grown so much in Christ and have made some great strides as far as finding who I am in Him. I’ve made some incredible friends and gotten to do some amazing things. However, there are a lot of things I’ve reflected on and decided to try my best to change. Here it comes folks… my New Years Resolutions. I won’t tell you all of them, but basically they all revolve around being more organized and being more aware of what is coming out of my mouth.

Being a girl, being human, and being a teenager are three things about myself that make me very prone to gossiping and listening to gossip. It’s like a drug. Whenever we don’t have anything to say or we are just trying to start a conversation, a great way to break the ice to is start out a sentence with “did you hear about…” Just like that, we are bonding with a person over a rumor about a different person, not thinking twice about it. I’ve thought a lot about how I feel when people say things that are untrue about me. Or even things that are true that I told someone in confidence. You hear the things people are saying behind your back, and you could be the happiest person in a world one moment and the very next moment you’re a puddle on the ground. My insides hurt and I feel sick to my stomach. Sometimes it’s like someone has punched me in the gut and I can’t catch my breath. My first instinct is always to get to the bottom of things.. to go straight to the source. But sometimes that is easier said than done. Sometimes the damage has already been done and there is nothing you can do but deny or accept that your life has been twisted and exploited publically for the whole world to pick apart.

When I started reflecting on my year, I thought about those feelings that I had had so many times. Caring so much what people are saying about you that it literally hurts you physically. I know that that is ridiculous and I shouldn’t care that much. Most of the time I don’t, but sometimes it hits me hard. I thought about how some rumors that get around that are in no way correct affect the opinion of me the world has, but more importantly the opinion of God the world has. The opinion of someone who claims to follow Him. I’ve been called judgmental this year, and this makes me so so sad because inside my heart I know that I am a disgusting sinner who deserves death just as much as anyone else, and I don’t mean to judge anyone. But when I got upset about that it made me start thinking about why people would say that. And that brought me to the realization that that same horrible sinking feeling I have felt so many times this year because of someone else, I myself probably caused to more than one person over the same course of time.

The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man’s inmost parts. Proverbs Ch.18:8 

When I came to this realization, it changed my entire perspective on the subject. The same things that I flippantly talk about at lunch to pass the time could be the things that cause teenage girls just like me to cry alone at night in their rooms, locking themselves away and looking for comfort in the things that won’t give it to them, knowing that the very people that claim to have the answer are making her life miserable with the ignorance of their words. The thought of this makes me sick. It makes me more than sick, it paralyzes me. It makes my legs feel like bricks and my stomach feel like it’s upside down. It makes my head hurt. It makes my heart hurt. and it makes God’s heart hurt. I will not be the reason that someone feels like curling up in a ball and never coming out of it this year. I just won’t.

Telling lies about someone is as harmful as hitting him with an axe, or wounding him with a sword, or shooting him with a sharp arrow. Proverbs Ch.25:18

To any of you that I have hurt with words, I cannot take them back. I’m painfully aware of that. But please know that I am the sorriest I have ever been for any pain I have caused, and lies I have helped spread, or any truth I have revealed in a way you didn’t want it revealed. I am so sorry. Please forgive me. And please make this new years resolution your own- This year, I will think before  I speak. I will not exploit others for the sake of myself. I will not be the reason for another human’s unnecessary tears.

With love,

Claire

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